Category Archive

‘I’ve nothing against people (to use a vogue phrase) having ‘emotional intelligence’ as long as it is allied with ‘intelligent intelligence’. What I am less anamoured of is people diving into emotionalism and abandoning anything else at all’

-’How Mumbo Jumbo conquered the world’ Francis Wheen

Very funny, do read it if you have half a chance

I was talking to a friend of mine who recently got a job as a research assistant to a law professor looking at we could/should legislate a minimum ‘quality of life’ line to make decisions about who to save/let go clearer and simpler.
They are going to look at whether there is a minimum quality of life, which can define a viable life - where the patient is unable to make their wishes known.

My initial reaction was no - there are far too many factors involved in such a decision for a blanket legislation. Also for something this personal, I really feel the law should stay out - it should provide support for either action, but proscribe neither. But having also had a discussion about death on one of my forum rampages, it did get me thinking.
In Australia, and most western countries, we do shy away from death and the discussion of death.
Death is the ultimate limit, the final failure

“The USA is a nation which tends to find failure shameful, mortifying or even downright sinful…It is a nation of eager yea-sayers and zealous can -doers…American culture is deeply hostile to the idea of limit, and therefore to human biology. “Terry Eagleton, After Theory

Because of this fear and refusal to accept death as simply part of life, perhaps it means we never really engage with the idea of passing during our lives, and causing problems when it comes to treatment at the end of life.

I’ve never had to make the call, and people tell me that often once families see a code, they quickly decide not to call for it again, but I hope that I will gain the wisdom and strength to make the right choice when and if I ever have to.

I’ll probably return to this over time, its one of my favourite topics of mulling over. But here are some other perspectives

A beautiful post which expresses my thoughts far far better than my garbled musings can.

Religious perspectives on withdrawal of treatment from patients with multiple organ failure (Medical Journal of Australia)

To nick a phrase found on Orac’s blog, ‘the stupid, it burns’.
I happen to be a forum and blog junkie and recently on one of the many I visit, an argument appeared as to what a ‘dancer’ is.

Dancers are one of the few groups of people who are so insanely ego-centric that they would get uppity over the correct usage of the designation of dancer. They have elevated it into a hallowed title, conveying an aura of ‘dancerness’, of ability, passion blah blah blah.
So some argue the strictest dictionary application - that dancer is one who dances in public for pay.
Which is patently stupid when considering the rich heritage of other cultures where dance is simply a way of life. The advent of ‘dance’ and indeed ‘art’ as a profession is very recent, these activities have been a part of all human cultures for thousands of years, pretty much as soon as culture developed - from caveman days of rockpainting and jewelry making.
But no, bobbleheads still insist that a professional arts corps is necessary because without it ‘There would be no jane austen, no bach, andy warhol, no great musicians, building would only be functional, walls would all be one colour’ I mean, jeebus, if we didn’t have professional artists, holy jeepers batman, colour would never have been invented!!!!
also highly amusing because one of Warhols ideas was that art is potentially anything one considers to be art. And that art and not art is a blurred distinction

Other knuckleheads content that to be worthy of the term dancer one must have ‘passion’ for it, as if that is a useful definition. You might as well make ‘dancerness’ a criteria.

Interestingly it was only students and non-professional dancers who were all up in arms. My pet theory is that dancers as a whole are so mindboggling insecure that they need a shibboleth to feel secure in themselves and their art. They need a way to differentiate themselves from the mass of the ‘other’.
Or perhaps, as some of them will not assign the title of ‘dancer’ to themselves, feeling themselves unworthy of the title, it is because of the deification of dancers and artists generally - something that John Carey talks about in ‘What good are the Arts?’.
“talk of the immortality of art, in the absence of a belief in God, is childish and self- deceiving”

So its not to be, and it turns out at least some of my fears are justified.

I did not get entry into medicine for 2008.

This blog has not been the joyful trundle I had hoped it would have been. It has somehow turned into another one of those whingy damn blogs which I generally detest, and so may end up shutting it down.

The thing which has me gutted is that I gave it my best, and even now, I would not change my answers in the interview. Which means that 8 people have decided that I am not capable of studying medicine.
The interview was supposed to be what I’m good at, it turns out that my self perception is incredibly off and I have, obviously, no idea of how I come across.

Its a time to really look hard at myself. I have no plans, no options for next year. Maybe October is my month of pain,this is the 3rd year that it has not worked out, 2006, I get sick, 2005 I miss out on the RYD scholarship. 2004, do not get a contract after working with a company and apparently doing a good job.

I know its all random, and I’m just upset right now, but fuck it, I was really hoping that this would work out, maybe that this was something I was meant to do. But obviously not.

I’m off to my good friend scotch. perhaps i will continue to rant later

But i have to keep it all under control as I have a show to do.  I honestly did not expect it to go this way.  I mean I’m supposed to be good at this, talking, communicating is what I do dammit.

I don’t do fear.  I used to, but not for a good while now, whether its a solo adventure in the wilderness, some crazy acrobatic trick, falling up or down rocks, or biting off more than I can chew, I dont let fear get in my way.

But now waiting for these damn medical school offers, I’m scared. I’m scared if I dont get in, and I’m also scared if I do.
Dont get me wrong,  I’m so excited about the prospect of  going to med school, that  I can barely contain squealing like a little girl, but  for a  variety of reasons it scares me too.

Doing these final performances has really reinforced to me just how much I do love dance, and also ballet in particular.  I love the movement, I even love the corny arse acting and melodrama. I love teaching it, and coaching it.  I’m actually at a point where I am respected for what I can do and what I know, I’m in a position where I can help others, and also coming into my own as a performing artist. Technically and artistically its actually just starting to come together.  And I’m quitting.
In my visual art too, the last few projects have really shown that I’m actually really good at what I do, I’m doing things that are different, interesting and of high quality, there too, I feel I’m just hitting my stride.

And I’m quitting to enter a field which I am fascinated by, but have no ability in.  I have no idea how I’ll do, I haven’t done science since yr 12. I’m starting again, from scratch in a huge huge pool of people who are so smart that my head spins.  Its just my ego talking but its nice being a big fish in small pond, its great that people from across the country know of me. Admittedly in an incredibly small and incestueous industry, but still, recognition is great.
I’m not that great an egomaniac that I’ll miss that recognition for more than 5 min, but I worry that I wont be able to cope with the demands, that perhaps I may lose the optimism and enthusiasm that I have now. I worry how I’ll cope with seeing death, I worry that with the shaky nature of the medical field currently that I’ll get lost in the system as the Govt has a vested interest in having loads of highly trained doctors who aren’t quite specialist level yet and so are therefore cheap.

These fears kick on on my good days when I think I’ll get into med school, other days, (oh what am I talking about, my feelings change every hour) I think that my dream run so far has been a lovely dream, my gamsat mark was in fact incorrect and that I really shouldn’t even have had an interview.   Then what do I do?

While I feel as a performer I’m reaching my best, no one else seems to think so who can give me work, I”ve reached a professional dead end, where companies and directors like me enough, but not enough for work.

So I’m back where I am, a state of fear, trepidation and excitement. Whatever happens I’m sure it’ll be an adventure, but for now, its back to the waiting game.

I’m teaching digital architecture at a university here. Its driving me mental on several fronts

1. The Students

Admittedly they are first years, but they show no attack or curiosity. None. Its soppy but I was talking to a friend in early childhood education and she was telling me these wonderful stories of kids with shiny eyes excited to read a book, play with blocks, paint whatever, but with my students, there is nothing. No fire in the belly. I had one with his headphones in the entire time. needless to say he’s failing.
its a programming course, so I show them principals of scripting, and send them away to experiment a bit with them.
And what I get back is my own scripts, with the variable names changed and not even the variable values.

2. The subject itself

Architecture is a tremendous pile of wank. Really. I mean I really like some of it - (see the giant kraken) I think there are really interesting things that could be done. But the subjects premise of mapping variables using an entirely deterministic system seems pointless and needlessly complicated to me.
Basically we are using a ‘turtle’ type program to draw curves. However what is the point of writing a hideously complicated script which tells the turtle to run around pseudo randomly and make extra random lines in certain areas and not to in others?

I mean, something like that is around 60-100+ lines of code, when you could easily draw it yourself for considerably less fuss seeing you know exactly what you want it to do anyways.
And what does it tell you? Its meaningless because all it does is generate random lines - there is no intrinsic meaning to it. It just looks like something important and impressive

I mean they were looking at egress and whatnot, which is a fancy way of saying entrances and exits, so that clump in the front would represent possible paths into the space and blah. but who the frick cares? If you actually knew where people went, you’d use video and track and trace. Or you could use a semi intelligent AI system to simulate it. Whats the point of generating psuedo random lines?

3. An obsession with scripts.
I think its because they have no idea what the point of script is. They seem to think that if it can be scripted, then it must be more ‘authentic’ . There is the idea that the machine can come up with something new, which is probably why they are doing these scripts. But everything the machine does is an explict instruction with some silly arse randomising. John Maeda cleverly outlawed randomising in his class. I may do the same. Its not emergent, its not reactive its just blah.
Anyway. End rant. For now

Last night we paid tribute to our friend Tanja, taken away too soon at 29 with the world at her feet.

Been thinking a lot about this, due to protracted arguement on a few forums and have been reading the rash of atheism books at the moment.

Interesting article on Francis Collins (of DNA mapping fame and Christian) and Richard Dawkins

I’m reading Noam Chomsky’s Failed States.

Its a great book, in the vein of that sort of thing. But it does leave one feeling tremendously frustrated, angry and very ineffectual.  In fact, I could summarise a good portion of my angst as a mind numbing lethargy as I can’t see a way to win.  And by win I mean not some overarching scheme to rule the world, though that of course is an option, but to somehow see my way through this life without helping destroy the world.

I won’t reguritate Chomsky, you can read the book or there are a good many blogs out there who are far more outraged than me, but suffice it to say that, essentially, the worlds greatest military power, is, in many respects, one of the ‘Failed States’ that it so violently and virtously claims to oppose.  Which is obviously to those with some degree of sanity, not really a teneable or desirable position to be in.
So we have the United States actively trying to destablise the world, and ironically providing the perfect training ground for new terrorists in Iraq, Australia is following with our head up the US’s arse - putting back the ideas of democracy with lovely new laws curtailing civil liberties (and we, Australia are particularly vulnerable to this as the only democratic country without a national bill of rights, instead relying on the good sense of the parlimentary process. And we all know how well that is working), both the US and Australia ignoring global warming its all looking really quite bleak.

The insidious rise of religious bollocks such as Intelligent Design being a science and the fact that our education minister actually considered it as a viable thing to be taught in Australian Schools as science.  Sure, lets chuck out rational thought, in fact, we can do as the US and redefine science so that ID can be taught.

The environment - So we’ve decided carbon is bad.  Fossil fuel is bad.  But then solar is ineffecient, requiring highly toxic chemicals to manufacture and regular replacement.  Hydro isn’t bad, but then it requires damming of rivers which leads to tremendous environmental damage - see Lake Pedder and the 3 Gorges in China.  Nuclear is quite a good option, but will take 10 - 20 years to save the carbon it took to create the bleeding thing, plus all the associated risks with it.  Wind isn’t consistent enough, meaning we have to run coal as backup (and coal is very ineffecient unless its running full pelt) and other studies have shown that building wind farms on peat bogs (common enough) releases a stupid amount of carbon trapped in the peat bog.  Carbon Capture and Sequestration, touted by Al Gore just seems stupid to me.  A large, costly exercise in burying your head in the sand.  But please inform me more on this matter.
Biofuels - given a big boost by everyones favourite billionaire, Richard Branson.  But then, where are we going to plant the vast quantities of grain to make our biofuels? And doesnt it seem slightly daft to plant hideous amounts of crop (in the processes likely destroying rainforests and useful things like that) and then mashing it into fuel when so much of the world goes hungry?
We’re arsed.

In my on-going spew about Art - I find this very difficult to reconcile, most artists I know are incredibly concerned with the environment. Its kind of our thing as loud opinionated sorts.  But ask most any artist what they want to do, and more than likely it is to travel - to take their show international, to see international shows/galleriers.  Galleries are swapping their collections around the world, shows fly around the world. But then this is all, of course a tremendous cost of resources.  What are we going to do about it? How to reconcile the politic regarding the environment and our practice?  I mean, I can’t help but feel excited that the Paris Opera Ballet is coming. But thats an entire plane load of performers, support and scenery. Ok its probably a more worthwhile cause than idiots who fly from london to new york for a spot of shopping because the pound is so monstrously overvalued, but still…

Pitifully ineffectual…

Acronyms you never knew about

HNWI- high net worth individuals. Defined as those with assets in excess of 1million, not including primary residence.

Ultra HNWI - Ultra high net worth individuals. 30million +

CLWEI - the Cost of Living Extremely Well Index

Well, this being Christmas time, I thought I would spare a thought for those whom the media routinely ignores in favour of refugees, the poverty stricken, victims of natural or man made disasters, the war. I am of course, speaking about the HNWI. The High Net Worth Individuals.
According to the World Weath Report (well worth a read) by Capgemini, US HNWI growth slowed, and despite “Strong real GDP growth and robust corporate
profits were offset by a string of interest rate hikes by the Federal Reserve and the post-hurricane devastation in the Gulf Coast
states. HNWIs felt the sting. “

Mon Dieu, and here I was mislead that the real story was homeless African Americans, but no, the rich also suffered. But all is not doom and gloom for our poor millionaires. On page 9 of the WWR, Capgemini reports that the costs of Living Extremely Well is becoming more affordable, as measured by the difference in growth of cost of the stuff that ordinary people buy and that of the extraordinarily well off. So a silver lining in the diamond studded cloud of our HNWI.

Keeping the christmas spirit alive.

Upon reading Francis’ post on supernaut.info regarding the Victorian Liberals proposed Arts Funding overhaul (et ici), I got to thinking - a rare occurance, but one which does occur, at around the same frequency as showering.

What should our arts funding policy be? Is it important - how important, and whats the best way to spend limited funds? (note I am discussing the wider issues, not individual Liberal and Labour policies)

Now I am an elitist arts snob, I will be the first to admit that, and in days gone by, my reaction would have been much the same as Francis’. However, after reading John Carey’s ‘What good art the arts?’ a provocative book, I’m not so sure. The arguements he puts forwards (nicely sumerised here and here) are quite confronting for someone who has always believed in the inherent ‘value’ in the arts.
He argues, convincingly and somewhat distressingly, that the hugely subsidised public art institutions - galleries, the opera, ballet, etc, which are funded under the arguement that art has a beneficial and civilising effect on society, is totally unfounded. As Carey asks

“How does this person’s love of art affect his, or her, attitude to human beings?”

He gives an example during the world war where art was put into bunkers - but people weren’t, and of course Herr Hitler, who fancied himself an artist above all, and J Paul Getty who amassed a monstrous amount of art, but was a saloon fascist in personal politic. He argues, rather convincingly that

The religion of art makes people worse, because it encourages contempt for those considered inartistic.

It becomes merely a club that one can belong to, by virtue of refined taste and aesthetic.
While some of his arguements are a bit over the top, it is thought provoking - he offers as consolation that while art consumption may do nothing for society, perhaps through the act of making art, there is benefit and value. What matters is the making of art, the process and bollocks to the end result. He cites cases of art empowering people in disadvantaged communities and prison schemes.
The last half of the book is his own personal arguement for the supremecy of literature but I’ll leave that for you read if you are so interested. I’m not sold.

So where does this leave me? I would love to see Australia (not neccessarily just Victoria) ‘return to the forefront of arts excellence’, but in wider terms, what does that mean, other than an arbitary, self congratulatory judgement? What on earth is ‘arts excellence’? And, cosmically speaking, what is the point?

Perhaps, that contrary to Frances’ point that regional eisteddoffods promote passive consumption - it is a step in a irection in promoting and providing means for people to actively engage in the making of art. Eisteddfodds are not for the audience - they are for the participants. How many people actually watch the bleeding things if not a doting relative, or that somewhat dodgy neighbour who keeps appearing at thos ballet receitals….  They are a big deal for kids, families and their community.

The alternative, a push for greater funding for capital city dominant art? Well, I’d perhaps enjoy that immensely,but then, I tend to enjoy money, the question is what it achieves in a wider context, and other than making pretentious gits like me tremendously happy?  It does provide employment for the legion of Sydney critics to practice their tongue lashing and an excuse for the upper crust of the aestheticaly refined to exercise their ball gowns and drink champagne - but perhaps not so much otherwise.  Despite the funding the festivals and companies attract, the pricing structures generally prohibit anyone, ‘different’ attending.  Last I checked Chunky Move was going for $55 for a 45 minute show, Sydney Festivals Robert Wilson was going for nearly $200, Cloud Gate was $50 +.  So all in all its potential effect is limited - to the performers themselves, and i’m not saying that its not valuable to provide oppurtunities for growth in our artists, casse it obviously is,  but to the community - becuase only those wtih the means, and who are already interested are likely to attend.

After working in a regional dance company, I can quite confidently say that on our regional regional tours (I’m talking regional Tasmania) the audience was greater, more appreciative, our workshops were enthusiastically received and we really got the feeling that it actually made a difference in the community. In fact, people would come up and thank us and say just that. Which is a trifle embarrassing, as a dreadfully important, International Artist, I am not so used to, well actually talking to fans, just stamping my autograph while gracing them with a supercilious smile as I make my way to my chaffeur driven limosine to take me to my exclusive hotel for a rendevous with the Hilton sisters.

It wasn’t ground shaking work, and we aren’t the ABT, ABC or NDT, ADT, or any company with a TLA (Three Letter Acronym) for a name, and I doubt we live up to ‘the forefront of arts excellence’, but I would argue it was important to do, and worthwhile.
I’ve done work in the centres, it might even be considered ‘experimental’, pushing the boundaries of art etc, but hardly anyone saw it, the works tended to die in the arse, never to be seen again. Certainly I can probably name the people (Person) who came up and told me it changed their life, but then again, I was sleeping with them, and I’m not sure if they meant it in a good way.

This being said - the 1 day closed thing is a non-issue, every major gallery and museum in Europe is closed one day a week, and no one sees that as a shocking blight on the arts.

And I think we should make up our minds what we want for the arts - its sitting on the fence - demanding accontability, but also excellence in all fronts.  I’m no economist, but that seems rather impossible to me.  This will probably start off my next rant about the lack of research culture….

So thank you if you have followed me this far;

So whats the best to spend the precious few dollars we have for the arts?
Penny for your thoughts*

*pennies will not, nor ever be forthcoming

schonentag!

He lived at a little distance from his body
- ‘Dubliners’ by James Joyce

Just a wonderful phrase for what I see as a struggle for us in this highly cerebral age - our engagement with the corpreal is reduced as we head more and more towards a virtual existence.  I remember debates I had back in university, where there was the hypothetic that a virtual existence is the same as an embodied existence.  This is currently being raged over on kurzweil.net where Mitch Kapor and Kurzweil are betting whether the Turing Test will be passed by 2029.   (its a great read)
I argued on the side that our conciousness is inherently embodied, it is messy, liquid and chemical and to seperate from that would be result in something quite different.  Kapor also argues this as to why a computer will not be able to beat the Turing Test.  After reading Kurzweil’s response I have to say I’m back at the drawing board.  It’s a serious conceit of my ego, that I want to be unique, that there is something irreproducible in human conciousness.

The reason I came to this, was that a friend is doing a Yoga course currently, and was telling me of the large emphasis of that is on body, mind, spirit engagement - each is incomplete without the others.  We can’t be fully present or living to our full potential until we achieve that.
However, increasingly we need less and less of the corpreal to exist - there are people living almost exclusively on virtual worlds like second life.  Perhaps its my inner luddite, but that makes me sad.  I like to think, and I do believe, that a cartwheel is a very important part of existence.  Much like snow angels, hot chocolate, hugs, the peculiar exhileration of falling, and all those sensations of life.

More on this to come…