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Its been quite overwhelming, and I still haven’t quite gotten it through my head.

I’m still getting that giddy feeling of excitement when the offer came through, and also daunted by what I need to organise to get there in time, and the enormousness (interestingly enormity is supposed to be reserved for things of great wickedness) of the change that it entails.

But change is good.

Its been a bit over 12 years since I first decided that dancing was the way to go (prior to that I had aimed for something legal. or becoming Optimus Prime), and its been a tremendous lot of fun. Lots of hardwork and heartbreak involved, but still, I’d contend few careers offer such fun as one in the theatre. Along the way I’ve had the privilege of working with enormous names, huge companies with seemingly endless resources, and also with up and coming talent on the proverbial smell of an oily rag. I’ve met some of the most wonderful people and gotten to travel.  I guess this is my little thank you to dance and theatre, and all the people in it.

Like many prospective medical students, I’m nervous about how much I have to learn, how I will cope with the challenges of the profession – particularly dealing with death and illness, a failing system. But it is also tremendously exciting – a new challenge to overcome.
I want to be careful not to  lose my creativity, my enjoyment of art, and the joy of making something beautiful.  I want to make sure I dont lose touch with the world outside of medicine and my friends.

Its soon, I move in 4 days , and I get to start afresh

So after the excitement of Flinders’ offer came the decision to make – to take a BMP offer, or hang out and see if I would get a CSP (unbonded) offer from Newcastle.

I decided on Flinders University, for a variety of reasons that aren’t very exciting at all. Yay. And as of tomorrow, I should hopefully have a lovely little townhouse to move into, and new adventures begin 1st of February.
At 2100 eastern time, I received this from the UAC.
Squeee!
Its nice to be wanted, though I am totally happy with my Flinders place. I hope that my newcastle offer will go on to make some other medschool hopeful as giddily excited as I am. After the disappointment of the uSydney rejection, I’m feeling pretty good now. Sweet.

And being on a roll, I took a great class today, it was huge, 59 people, which is neigh on unmanageable for a beginners ballet class. But it was fun and friendly and I think people really enjoyed it and people came up to chat after. Which is fantastic, I really must remember to thank my teachers more often. Teaching various things – dance and 3D animation software/programming and whatnot, has made me really appreciate the effort and energy that goes into making a good class.
I’m proud that I’ve built the class up to these numbers, and will be really sad to leave them and the Company in 1 short week. I’ve learnt so much, and gotten so much out of teaching there. Its become my longest running continuous job and has a lovely sense of home to it.

We are pleased to let you know that your application for admission to the course has been successful.

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I had just written off medicine for 2008 as I hadn’t heard anything from the uni’s and from last years rough stats, I had a less than 50% chance of getting an offer. So I put together a superfast application to the AFTRS Masters of Art: Film and Television – Digital Media program and was accepted.
I had reconciled myself to that and was quite excited about it. It was an oppurtunity to finish off a few projects, extend my own work and practice.

But, once this came through, totally out the window, and I’ve spent the last few days alternating between giggling like a schoolgirl excited and crushing terror.

I did class that night, and had the strangest feeling that, for all the times I’ve ‘retired’ (about 10 at least count), this time, its going to happen. I’m likely never to be in such good dancing shape again – doing pirouettes and tours with impunity, and it was a very odd feeling. I resolved to enjoy it as much as I could over the next few weeks.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m hoping to keep dancing for myself and teaching, but it wont be at the same level as it has been.

So. <insert corny metaphor involving books, chapters closing etc>

Its going to be fun.

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So the Newcastle interview went ok. I think. Actually I have no idea how the hell it went, they were very friendly, they didn’t need to re-interview me, which means they got what they needed, but the all important question of whether its a yay or nay is up to His Noodliness.  I did notice that down to a person, all the prospective students, were, Asian and from either James Ruse or North Sydney Girls.  Which is a bit of a bugger after the wonderful mishmash of people I met at the graduate entry courses.

I put in a for a Masters of Art at AFTRS as a back up. It’ll be good, it’ll allow me to work on extirpation and also a host of other projects that I’d like to do.
There are also scholarships over to the UK to undertake postgraduate studies in the creative industries, so there are options.

So as I’m preparing for my university of Newcastle interview, a few things come to mind.
Firstly I have to give props to my friends over at the pagingDr forum are amazing people, they are so generous with their time and advice, and so incredibly supportive.
Secondly, I seem to rely on the fact that I’m the biggest badass, or at least I can pretend I am to actually manage to do anything. Because I didn’t get into uSydney, I somehow don’t think that I’m cut out to study medicine now, and if I can’t believe it, how can I expect to be able to sell it to Newcastle? All this doubt has crept in, questioning why I want to do medicine, and if I could even do it.

I find myself deprecating what I have done, which is silly, I mean I’m proud of what I’ve achieved, and while its very different from some of the other applicants who have several papers to their name regarding drug uptake in melanoma cells or whatever, it doesn’t mean its not valid.  But still its hard to hold your head up when the extent of my research has been in wishy washy bollocks like digital architecture (see previous post about what I think about that) or in something obscurely irrelevant like L-systems to represent imaginary trees in an installation.
But I have directed films, I’ve created original works, co-ordinated multi disciplinary teams, managed technology pipelines and designed systems – its got to count for something?  I just have to hope that the admissions people think so.

On the whole blah-ness with getting into med school, I’ve decided, spur of the moment as usual, to put myself up for a Masters of Art in Digital Media at AFTRS, which is a 1 year research program (which as I’ve mentioned is bollocksy research) but essentially lets me do what I want, and get a MA for it.  Something to keep me occupied at least.

So after a period of moping, I was fortunate to receive an interview for the University of Newcastle school of Medicine, and also am a chance at Flinders University, so fingers crossed that it will eventually work out!

So its not to be, and it turns out at least some of my fears are justified.

I did not get entry into medicine for 2008.

This blog has not been the joyful trundle I had hoped it would have been. It has somehow turned into another one of those whingy damn blogs which I generally detest, and so may end up shutting it down.

The thing which has me gutted is that I gave it my best, and even now, I would not change my answers in the interview. Which means that 8 people have decided that I am not capable of studying medicine.
The interview was supposed to be what I’m good at, it turns out that my self perception is incredibly off and I have, obviously, no idea of how I come across.

Its a time to really look hard at myself. I have no plans, no options for next year. Maybe October is my month of pain,this is the 3rd year that it has not worked out, 2006, I get sick, 2005 I miss out on the RYD scholarship. 2004, do not get a contract after working with a company and apparently doing a good job.

I know its all random, and I’m just upset right now, but fuck it, I was really hoping that this would work out, maybe that this was something I was meant to do. But obviously not.

I’m off to my good friend scotch. perhaps i will continue to rant later

But i have to keep it all under control as I have a show to do.  I honestly did not expect it to go this way.  I mean I’m supposed to be good at this, talking, communicating is what I do dammit.

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